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Zip! Zap! Bang! SuperRefs
By Stanley Lover

Frustrated referee recruiters are getting desperate. Some are now searching the video games arcades for the next generation of officials.

Makes sense, because thousands of dedicated video games geeks devote hundreds of hours fine tuning their brains to react instantly to Zip! Zap! Bang! life and death dramas - behind steering wheels of 200mph cars screeching along hairpin bends on narrow cliffside tracks – duelling metal clad robot warriors armed with flesh melting laser guns - avoiding poisonous fangs of pre-historic monsters and vampires – all in the name of fun.

Imagine the speed and complexity of mental gymnastics to trying to stay alive in those arcades.

There is a parallel to refereeing football matches and how the brain juggles with in-play situations. Analysing the thought processes at every situation a referee applies the same sequence of brain functions to……

• Observe - (an incident)
• Evaluate - its meaning (fair, foul, routine)
• Measure - conclusion against criteria (which game rule;paragraph, sub-paragraph, bullet point, IFAB Decision,FIFA Guideline)
• Identify action required - (play on; stop; award a free-kick; penalty; or routine restart; e.g. throw-in, goal-kick;corner)
• Communicate - (whistle; arm signal; verbal command; yellow/red card?)
• Evaluate best position to control restart
• Decide
• Get there
• Control - (defensive walls; delay tactics; cheating)
• Evaluate best position for next phase of play
• Decide
• Get there
• Signal restart
• Check restart procedure
• Observe next phase of play situations (go back to top)

Multiply those brain functions by hundreds in a 90 minutes game and marvel at the mental agility required for correct and efficient control.

The more video geeks play Zip! Zap! Bang! the quicker and more efficient they become. It’s the same with football referees – accumulating experience fine tunes the brain to judge match play situations.

Video geeks strut their stuff seated in cockpits but, teach them about football and the laws; feed them with FIFA fantasy videos; kit them out with the latest jet-propelled footwear to keep up with play, and they’ll turn in SuperRef performances.

The strategy is ‘catch ‘em young’. Babies arrive in our world with virgin hard disc brains, ready for computer-age life. Make their first gifts an ultra sonic blaster whistle and flying winged bootees. They are our next generation of SuperRefs.

Zip! Zap! Bang! – TAKE THAT! you ‘orrible monster in the yellow Arsenal away shirt……